Zili hurriedly wiped his tears. “No, it’s not that.”
“Really?” Song Zhaodi said, “Tell me the truth, Zili. I’ve been wanting to beat that rascal Zhong Dawa for a long time.”
Zhong Dawa put down the basket of steamed buns and ran out. “Mom, I wasn’t naughty today, I didn’t cause any trouble.” He looked closely. “Huh? Zili, Gengsheng, why are you two crying? Did someone bully you? Tell me, I’ll beat them up!”
Song Zhaodi smacked the back of his head. “Look at you acting all mighty. Is there anyone on this island, big or small, that you haven’t beaten up yet?”
“There’s still plenty left.” Zhong Dawa blurted out, then realising he had spoken the truth, he turned around and ran into the house, completely forgetting to check on Zili and Gengsheng.
Song Zhaodi bent down. “Are you missing home?”
Zili nodded. Gengsheng sniffled and wiped his tears.
Song Zhaodi: “I’m guessing you’re thinking about Grandpa.”
Zili lifted his head. “Aunt—”
“No!” Song Zhaodi cut him off. Afraid that Dawa would overhear and accidentally let something slip, she lowered her voice. “I know what you want to ask. You’re wondering how your grandpa is doing, right? Your Uncle Zhong and I couldn’t find out, but your Uncle Zhao can. However, he can’t ask too many questions about your grandpa, or others will realise he knew him before.
“Zili, don’t doubt it, and don’t think I’m just scaring you. Your Uncle Zhao is a commander, and no one in the East China Sea Fleet dares to touch him. But there are plenty of people who would love to see him locked up so they can take his place.
Zili’s face filled with guilt. “Aunt, I didn’t think of that. I’m sorry.”
“You’re still young. It’s normal not to think of these things.” Song Zhaodi patted his head and pulled Gengsheng into her embrace. “It would be strange if you two understood everything. Wash your faces, let’s eat.” She paused. “As long as you two grow up safe and healthy, you’ll see your grandpa again someday.”
The two brothers nodded vigorously.
Zhong Dawa put down his chopsticks and looked up when he saw Zili and Gengsheng enter. “Mom, why were they crying?”
“They miss their father,” Song Zhaodi said.
Zhong Dawa blurted out, “Their dad left just yesterday.” Then he realised something was off and awkwardly laughed. “Oh, their real dad. Well, I don’t miss mine.”
“His dad isn’t your dad. Of course, you wouldn’t miss him.” Song Zhaodi scooped some porridge. “Zili, can you drink a whole bowl?”
Zili: “Just over half a bowl. Thank you, Aunt.”
“You’re so polite.” Dawa clicked his tongue.
Zili turned to explain but saw Zhong Dawa already busy munching on a bun, as if he hadn’t even realised what he had just said.
Seeing Zili hesitate to speak, Song Zhaodi sighed inwardly and smiled. “Zili, don’t take Dawa’s nonsense seriously.”
“There you go again, talking about me.” Zhong Dawa snorted and walked out with his bun.
Song Zhaodi said leisurely, “I made salted duck eggs. Do you want some?”
“It’s really cold outside.” Dawa turned around and sat down. “Where’s the salted duck egg? I don’t see it.”
Zili and Gengsheng laughed. In their hearts, they both thought the same thing: glutton!
“There’s also pickled garlic and shredded carrots I marinated.” Song Zhaodi added, “They’re in the cupboard.”
Dawa immediately got up and ran to the kitchen. “I’ll get them.”
“Zili, Gengsheng, just eat. Don’t bother competing with him.” Song Zhaodi advised. “When it comes to food, you two can’t beat him. Haven’t you noticed? Even Erwa doesn’t bother.”
Zili and Gengsheng had long realised this. At first, they thought Erwa was lazy. After a few days, they understood. Dawa was just too diligent. But only when it came to food.
For example, when Zhong Jianguo needed the laundry brought down from upstairs, he always called Dawa. But Dawa would always make Erwa do it instead.
Even knowing this, the two brothers were still shocked by Dawa’s speed. The moment Song Zhaodi finished speaking, Dawa was already running back with two bowls.
“Mom, the duck eggs are a bit cold,” Zhong Dawa reminded.
Song Zhaodi: “After I finished cooking the porridge, I put the steamed buns back in the steamer to warm them, but I forgot about the duck eggs.” She paused. “If you don’t want them, just put them back. I’ll heat them up when I cook lunch.”
Zhong Dawa: “That’s too much trouble. Forget it, I’ll just eat them like this.”
“Don’t force yourself,” Song Zhaodi teased.
But Dawa, focused on the duck egg yolk, didn’t catch her tone. “I’m not forcing myself.” He quickly peeled the shell and instructed Zili, “Listen, eat the yolk first. The yolk isn’t too salty, and it’s really oily. Then eat the bun filling, and finally, use the bun skin to wrap the egg white. That’s the best way to eat it.”
“You’re an expert at eating,” Zili said, impressed.
Zhong Dawa looked smug. “In our house, when it comes to eating, Mom ranks first, and I rank second.”
“That’s obvious,” Zili muttered, trying not to roll his eyes.
Zhong Dawa nodded in satisfaction. “Good eye.”
Zili immediately lost the desire to continue the conversation and turned to Song Zhaodi. “Aunt, are we slaughtering the ducks after eating?”
“Yes,” Song Zhaodi replied. “The weather is cold, so we can keep them outside until New Year’s Eve.”
Zili: “I’ll help you.”
“What a good boy!” Song Zhaodi praised generously.
After the meal, Dawa boiled water, and Song Zhaodi killed the two ducks. She had the five children pluck the feathers, and once they were bald and clean, she took over.
Worried that some of the officers on the island had been to the capital and might recognise Zili and Gengsheng, yet also unwilling to leave the children bored indoors, Song Zhaodi called Dawa over. “There’s some hemp rope in the upstairs storage room. Go get it. You can all jump rope in the yard.”
“Jump rope is for girls,” Zhong Dawa protested.
Song Zhaodi gave him a look. “Cat’s cradle is for girls too, but you played plenty of that.”
“Cat’s cradle is a brain game,” Dawa retorted. “That’s what you said, Mom.”
Song Zhaodi: “And I also said jumping rope is a physical activity that strengthens the body. Are you going or not?”
“Go.” Zhong Dawa noticed that Song Zhaodi’s expression was off and immediately backed down. “I’ll go right now.” However, before he could come downstairs, Ma Zhenxing was already calling for him outside.
Song Zhaodi walked to the door and made up an excuse. “Zhenxing, Sanwa and Erwa have caught a cold. Dawa has to stay home to help me take care of his younger brothers. He can play with you in a few days.”
“A cold?” Ma Zhenxing sounded disappointed. “Then I’ll come back in a few days to find Dawa. Goodbye, Teacher Song.”
Song Zhaodi waved her hand. “Goodbye.”
After locking the door from the inside, she returned to the water pump. Just as she was about to continue, someone knocked on the door again.
“You all go inside.” Through the bamboo gate, Song Zhaodi saw half a head. realising it was an adult, she thought for a moment and instructed, “Go upstairs. Come down later.”
Zili and Gengsheng’s faces changed. They pulled Erwa and Sanwa along and hurried upstairs.
Song Zhaodi took a deep breath and asked loudly, “Who is it?”
“Teacher Song, it’s a letter for your family.”
Song Zhaodi’s brows twitched, and she cursed inwardly. “Is it sent from Binhai?”
“No, it’s from Shencheng.” The postman handed her the letter.
Song Zhaodi frowned deeply. She took the letter and tore it open. “Huh? The stamp on this… is it two soldiers?”
The postman leaned in for a look and chuckled. “This year—no, if we go by the Gregorian calendar, it’s already February 1970. So, last year, we fought a war with the Soviet Union and pushed them back. To commemorate that victory, a set of stamps was issued.”
“Buy me a set,” Song Zhaodi said after a moment of thought. “Actually, buy me a set of all the stamps issued this year. I’ll get you the money.”
The postman quickly said, “No rush, Teacher Song. You can give it to me next time.”
“Then, next time you deliver a letter, just call for me when you pass by our house.”
“Got it. But, Teacher Song, why are you buying so many stamps? There are quite a few sets issued this year.”
“For remembrance,” Song Zhaodi answered honestly. “When I’m old, I can look at these stamps and remember what happened over the years.”
The postman nodded. “That makes sense. But since your family is doing well, why not take a family portrait instead?”
“Regiment Commander Zhong isn’t home,” Song Zhaodi replied.
The postman’s breath hitched, and he smiled awkwardly. “Sorry, Teacher Song, I forgot your husband is busy.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Song Zhaodi said. “I won’t hold you up. Go deliver your letters.”
Zhong Dawa was lying on his parents’ bed, peeking toward the door. When he saw the postman leave, he jumped off the bed. “All clear, we can go down.”
“Auntie didn’t call us yet,” Zili reminded him.
Zhong Dawa dismissed the concern. “It’s fine. Just don’t say anything reckless. My mom got a letter, and it definitely isn’t from Grandpa in Xiao Song Village. We just got back not long ago. I bet it’s either from Grandma in Shencheng or Grandma in Binhai. Mom gets really mad whenever she gets their letters. When she’s mad, she really hits people.”
“Why?” Zili, who was new here, didn’t understand.
Erwa answered, “Grandma from Shencheng and Grandma from Binhai are the worst people in the world. Ge, let’s go down quickly and check if they’re coming to our house.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Zhong Dawa slipped on his cotton shoes and rushed downstairs.
Just as Song Zhaodi finished reading the letter and was about to curse, she heard the sound of footsteps thudding down the stairs. She turned and saw Dawa at the front of the group.
“Mom, is it from Grandma or from maternal grandma?” Before he even reached Song Zhaodi, Dawa anxiously asked.
Song Zhaodi handed him the letter. “See for yourself.” She couldn’t hold back and cursed, “Damn it, can’t they leave us alone for just one year?!”
“Mom, it’s already been more than a year,” Zhong Dawa said as he scanned the letter. He recognised most of the characters, and even if there were a few he didn’t know, he could still understand the gist of it. “Grandma says you’re heartless, that you tricked the three of us into not recognizing her as our real grandmother.”
“Wait, she also said you’re stingy and don’t even send a pack of snacks or candies for the holidays?” He looked up at Song Zhaodi. “But I was the one who told you not to buy them. Why is Grandma blaming you?”
Song Zhaodi sighed. “She thinks it was my decision. She assumes you all have to listen to me. She never expected that your dad and I listen to you instead.”
Gengsheng tugged at Zili. This is strange, right, Brother?
Very strange. Zili gave a slight nod. It was the first time he had heard of children deciding something as big as visiting relatives.
“Grandma, oh, my dear Grandma.” Zhong Dawa shook his head and sighed. “Erwa, go get the matches.”
Erwa immediately ran to the kitchen and came back quickly. “Brother, give me the letter.”
“You—” Zili had barely spoken two words before he saw Dawa set the letter on fire. He was stunned.
As the letter burned and was about to reach Erwa’s hand, Erwa tossed it into the air and blew on it twice, helping it burn faster. Satisfied, he said, “Alright, it’s gone. Mission accomplished.”
Zili instinctively looked over at Song Zhaodi, who had returned to the water pump and was still cleaning the ducks. Then he glanced at Dawa, Erwa and finally at Gengsheng. Their real grandmother’s letter was just burned like that?
Brother, ask her. Gengsheng nudged his chin toward Song Zhaodi.
Zili hesitated before approaching her and whispering, “Auntie, the letter is burned.”
“I saw it.” Song Zhaodi glanced at him and, noticing the worry on his face, smiled. “Dawa’s grandmother treated them badly. Dawa doesn’t like her family. If you want to know how bad it was, ask Dawa.”
Gengsheng looked at Dawa, waiting for him to explain.
“She stole from our house and sent everything back to her own family,” Dawa said. “She even told me that kids shouldn’t drink formula milk. My mom’s salary – all of it was taken by my grandmother. There’s a lot more. She basically wanted to move everything from our house to theirs.”
Zili turned to Song Zhaodi. “Is that all?”
“Dawa called her out for it, and your Uncle Zhong said something too. Then Dawa’s birth mother slapped him across the face,” Song Zhaodi said.
Zili nodded. “No matter how bad Grandma was, Dawa shouldn’t have insulted her. She’s still an elder.”
“Zhong Zili, whose side are you on?” Dawa saw Zili nod and thought he agreed that his birth mother shouldn’t have hit him. But to his shock, Zili actually sided with his mother’s reasoning. His face flushed with anger and disappointment. “You’re not allowed to sleep with me tonight!”
Zili’s face changed drastically, and he quickly tried to explain. “I—”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Dawa was furious.
Zili immediately turned to Song Zhaodi for help. “Auntie…”
“Dawa was disrespectful to an elder, but he had his reasons,” Song Zhaodi said. “His birth mother shouldn’t have hit him. She should have explained things properly. Even if she told him that Grandma’s family was poor and he shouldn’t hold it against her, but that he also shouldn’t insult her – if she had said that, Dawa wouldn’t have been angry.”
Zhong Dawa nodded. “Exactly.”
“Let me finish,” Song Zhaodi said. She decided to tell Zili the truth about Bai Hua’s death. She would also tell the three kids, so that when Dawa grew up, he wouldn’t only remember the good things about his birth mother.
After Song Zhaodi finished speaking, she saw Dawa’s face full of shock and sorrow. Feeling a bit uneasy, she added, “On the day Dawa’s mother was buried, the Bai family felt guilty and didn’t dare to come to send her off.
“Later, I don’t know who told them that I married Dawa’s father. Maybe Dawa’s maternal grandmother was afraid I’d take the Zhong family’s things back to my own family, so she came over, claiming she was here to visit Dawa.”
“Dawa’s grandmother is really terrible,” Zili muttered, not expecting such a revelation. Then, noticing Dawa’s expression, his heart tightened. “Dawa doesn’t know?”
Song Zhaodi replied, “He was still young back then. Your Uncle Zhong had no way to explain it to him. But all the officers on the island knew about it, and your Uncle Zhong knew that one day, Dawa would find out. So he decided to tell him himself in a couple of years. I only brought it up now because I saw you didn’t think Dawa’s grandmother was that bad.”
Dawa had always suspected that his mother’s death wasn’t simple, but no matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t figure out what exactly was unusual. In the end, he just believed his father’s explanation.
Now, hearing Song Zhaodi’s words, he felt a storm of emotions brewing inside him. “Mom, I don’t want to play jump rope anymore.”
“Your birth mother never expected to get caught in a strong storm,” Song Zhaodi sighed. “If she had known it would cost her life, she wouldn’t have gone.”
Dawa pointed at the burnt paper ashes not far away. “Grandma used to write letters to my mom all the time. If she didn’t go that time, she would have gone another time. I know that. You don’t need to explain.”
“Alright, I won’t say anything more,” Song Zhaodi said. “It’s cold outside. Go upstairs and play.” She gave Zili a look, signaling him to comfort Dawa.
Zili hesitated for a moment, then exchanged glances with Gengsheng. “You guys go upstairs first.”
Seeing this, Song Zhaodi waited until the four children had left before asking, “What do you want to say?”
“Auntie, do you know about my family’s situation?” Zili asked in an almost whisper, wary of eavesdroppers.
Song Zhaodi nodded. “Your Uncle Zhong told me that your mother cut ties with your father, and your father committed suicide.”
“Auntie, do you know why my father killed himself?” Zili asked.
Song Zhaodi shook her head. “Your Uncle Zhong wasn’t too sure either. Do you know?”
“One of my grandfather’s former subordinates secretly told me,” Zili said, his expression clouded with sadness as he recalled the past. However, when he saw Song Zhaodi slicing open a duck gizzard and the stench immediately assaulted his nose, he just wanted to get it over with and hurry upstairs. “When my dad was little, my grandpa’s comrades and colleagues sent their children to the Soviet Union.
“My dad was sent there too, and that’s where he met my mom. Last year, when we fought against the Soviets, some people accused him of being a traitor and locked him up.
“My grandpa’s subordinate said my dad was mentally prepared for it and didn’t resist when they arrested him. But while he was still imprisoned, my mom filed for divorce. Later, he was tortured and, in a moment of despair, felt that life had no meaning, so he… he killed himself.”
Song Zhaodi sighed. “I suspected as much. But I don’t understand, why are you telling me this now?”
“Because now, I am Zhong Zili,” Zili said firmly. “You and Uncle Zhong said that when we grow up, the country will reinstate the college entrance exams. I want to go to Imperial University.”
Song Zhaodi nodded. “Good choice. Imperial University is my favoured choice. But you haven’t finished, what’s next?”
“If I meet my maternal family in the future, what should I do?” Zili asked.
Song Zhaodi raised an eyebrow. “Kid, I don’t want to say this, but I can’t help myself. You’re overthinking it. Frankly speaking, by the time you grow up, your grandmother, grandfather, uncle, and even your mother might already be dead.”
“D-Dead?” Zili exclaimed.
Song Zhaodi shrugged. “Natural disasters, man-made calamities, or they might just die of illness.” After a pause, she continued, “When luck runs out, you can choke just drinking water or washing your face. So, worrying about this is completely pointless.
“Besides, you wouldn’t go looking for them, right? You’re afraid they’ll recognise you? Just insist your name is Zhong Zili, say you’re from Binhai, and deny everything to the grave. The world is a mess right now—no matter how powerful your uncle is, he might not be able to find out the truth.
“And in ten years, your Uncle Zhong might not still be just a regiment commander, your Grandpa Liu might not still be a division commander, and what about Uncle Zhao? Even if your uncle finds out you’re his nephew, so what? With those elders around, what do you have to be afraid of?”
“Auntie, you make it sound so simple,” Zili muttered.
Song Zhaodi thought to herself that the world would be a completely different place in ten years. “Because some things really are that simple. There’s no need to overcomplicate them. Instead of worrying about running into your maternal family, why not just curse them to die early?”
Zili’s eyes widened. “What did you just say, Auntie?”
“You heard me. Curse them to die early,” Song Zhaodi said casually. “Honestly, I have nothing better to do, so I often curse Dawa’s grandmother and maternal grandmother to go see the King of Hell sooner rather than later.”
Zili swallowed hard. That was brutal. But… why did it feel so satisfying? Whatever—”Auntie, besides cursing you, what else did Dawa’s grandmother say in her letters?”
“She also asked us to send them New Year’s gifts,” Song Zhaodi sneered. “Talk about shameless.”
“You’re not planning to send anything, are you?” Zili asked.
“If I had that money, I’d rather buy more perch and stew it for you guys,” Song Zhaodi said. “Just ignore it, pretend it never happened.”
Zili hesitated. “But you said before that Dawa’s grandmother came here once.”
“She can’t come now,” Song Zhaodi said, then suddenly realised something. “That old hag wouldn’t send her son instead, would she?! Go upstairs and bring Dawa down!”
T/N: Title is an idiom that means, “to lack self-awareness.”
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